I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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