i just had sex bonerless
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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