dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
