I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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