lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
