i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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