I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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