the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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