i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
