I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wakey wakey hands off snakey
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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