in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
