A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
