I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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