I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
