I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
