she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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