Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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