i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
