True but thats because hes a fetus.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
