I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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