woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize