That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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