If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize