i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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