What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
