Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
