and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
