i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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