Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
