Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
