you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
