Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
