i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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