Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
