Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
