Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
