Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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