Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
