I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
