I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
