i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
