"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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