I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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