Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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