im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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