So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
