You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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