I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
