Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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