I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
