I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
