I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
