my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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