I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
