Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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