you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So many bounce houses so little time
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
