who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
