Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
