I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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