I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
