i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
