so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
