I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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